The last leg


I was awakened the next morning by the now familiar, but grating voice of Big Wessy "Eeh Cloud, tha's not much watter in't harbour" he said scratching his head in wonderment. As usual the two experts had failed to consult the tide tables, so there I was high and dry. They came aboard anyway, Big Wessy settling as usual on the port side mooring post. He seemed to have an affinity with this stout, thick, solid post which on the face of it is not difficult to understand, at any rate he rarely left it.

Lil Cloud lit his pipe and with an air of importance addressed his motley crew,

"Things are looking good for us at Scarlington " he said, "Dirk Cranium has used his contacts within the Square dealers to allow us to build a loading stage at Scarlington for our sole use"

"Ows he dun that, I thowt the harbour wur classed as a listed building" replied Big Wessy.

Lil Cloud puffed on his pipe and smirked as he replied, "You don't understand Wesley, our stage will be classed as an "operational requirement" or so I've been told. I told you before about Dirk's connections at the House of Secrets, and it turned out that the chair of the appropriate committee, Tod Ogre, is a well known social climber and desperate to gain membership of the Squaredealers. He was putty in their hands, furthermore not only can we have sole use of the slipway but next year the Council will also build us a brand new ramp at the ratepayers expense!"

For once even Big Wessy was gobstruck, but not for long, "Eeh Cloud, wot a plan, we'll never be poor again, cum on lets get theer!" he exclaimed.


So off we went again scraping my poor old bottom down the harbour as we set off on our last lap to Scarlington. It was a bit windy but that didn't matter, after all I am a Lifeboat and I'm in with the A team, though it wasn't until later that I was to discover what the A stood for!

We rounded Flamington Head and through the tideway which was a little uncomfortable, but didn't deserve the description these two gave it.  They seemed to be in competition to outdo each other in superlatives, terms such as Horrendous Waves, Large Rolling Breakers, Continues Walls of Water and best of all The Worst Sea Conditions we had experienced were bandied back and forth.

While they were busy frightening themselves to death we passed a coble laid cleaning gill nets, which will give you an idea of how bad the weather really was!
We eventually reached Scarlington and I was so happy to be met by my brother, the Scarlington lifeboat under the command of my owner Dirk Cranium. We didn't really need lifeboat assistance because as Big Wessy said, "We have an intimate knowledge of the area", but all good bullshit just the same.

When we got into the harbour the Mayor was there to greet us and there was music playing, TV cameras and hundreds of people, mostly Square dealers, cheering us. I felt  proud again. Maybe I was miss-judging my owners, perhaps they did know what they were doing after all.