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Another season began and I was dreading going to work again with my two chumps who actually were feeling quiet confident. I found out that this was because they thought that they had finally got rid of Al Legory who was missing from the team.
Things went just about as I have described in the previous chapters with me getting the pants knocked off me in terms of trade.
Then one morning there was a new vessel in the harbour by the name of "Queensbury", and looking every bit the sort of lovely lady who I would love to have in tow. And there at the helm was non other than its owner AL Legory!
I dreaded to think what Big Wessy and Lil Cloud would do when they arrived on the scene.
By the time they did, at dinner-time as usual, "Queensbury" had already gone to sea with a full compliment of 24 holiday makers for a trip round the bay. After scrutinising the prices advertised on "Queensbury"s signs, Big Wessy announced his plan! This was to drop our prices even lower, to that of three years ago, which was £1, and starve "Queensbury" into submission. Lil Cloud was a bit miffed at being out-thought on this strategy and lit his pipe as he racked his brain. "Tell you what Wesley" he shouted excitedly "I have a better plan as well." By now the smoke was billowing from Lil Clouds pipe as he explained yet another of his plans. I hoped it was better than the worm farming, driving instructing, publican, landscape gardening, etc, etc, schemes of the past.
"What we will do is hijack the RNLI fundraising motto" he said, "but instead of putting 'support the lifeboats' as the RNLI do, we will put a sign up saying 'support OUR lifeboat', the public wont spot the difference and we will cash in big time!"
Well I felt very uneasy when I heard this, it just didn't seem right to use a well known and honourable charities motto in this manner, to me it was as despicable as pinching the blind box off a pub bar. Never the less Big Wessy nodded his head in agreement and the plan was adopted. A large sign was displayed at the top of the slipway asking the public to "support our lifeboat". I was beginning to wish I had been left to rot at Pun Mill.
I'm pleased to say that my embarrassment only lasted a few days thanks to Big Oggy who had watched what was going on with disgust. Eventually he could stand it no longer and being afraid that the public would think "Jolly Roger" was in on our scam, he put also put a sign up pointing out that NONE of the boats operating from Gravelgate slipway supported the RNLI charity. This of course exposed Lil Cloud's plan for what it was as he and Big Wessy slunk down the slipway dragging our sign behind them red-faced, but still complaining that everyone was against them.
Our pricing plan remained in operation though and eventually as we had planned Al Legory was unable to make Queensbury pay. Now considering that I was only licensed to carry half the number of passengers that Queensbury could, it was clear to me that we were in an even worse position than the boat we were trying to get rid of.
However after listening to Lil Cloud and Big Wessy the plan was that once the competition had gone we would raise the fares once again.
The trouble was Queensbury didn't go but instead started taking fishing trips, not serious stuff just holiday makers passing a couple of hours. Usually the passengers consisted of blokes, who would rather do this than play Bingo with the Missus, or it was Dad and Lad, (Lad wanted to go so Dad had to go with him)!
And so that was how we finished off yet another unprofitable season, which once again was brought to a premature and depressing finish as I was tied up for yet another winter.
Billy Inkwell Ashtray
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