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KENNY BUTTON'S BIG NIGHT OUT
Listen while I tell you of a tale that is pure daring do
A tale to equal any tale that's been told
from the Arctic to old Timbuktu.
Some argue at was foolhardy others said it was a crime
What ever the argument for or against
It'll live in the annals of time.
It happened one dark stormy night so they say
there was rain there was wind there was fog
a raging South Easter was blowing at sea
twas not fit for a cock sucker's dog.
The Lancaster pub was just closing
the punters were drifting away
When suddenly a voice seemed to come out of nowhere
a voice they knew as plain as day.
"Step aside all you North Sea ripples"
came a shout as the door opened wide
"Make way for an Arctic roller me' boys"
This ship's just come in with the tide"
Ship us a sea there me hearties and none of your usual crap
I've a gob on me tastes like a buck Arabs jockstrap
that's been dipped in a bucket of clap.
"Breaker breaker okay donkey" the voice said
"Roger dodger breaker ten four"
"This ain't no North Sea ripple that's drinking
this is an Arctic encore".
"Listen up me shipmates belay there me hearties
I'm here for a good cause he roared
I'm a crew member short and I ain't leaving this Port
till a full compliment is on board".
The landlord at this quickly acted
it seemed he'd been here once before
"Your barred Kenny Buttons get out of my pub
You'll get no beer in here … There's!! Door.
"That's a full house said Buttons, that's it then
this pub was the last chance saloon"
" Now I'm barred from the lot just what chance have I got
I might as well piss at the moon".
Then he staggered along to the pier to his faithful old boat
He figured if he couldn't get a drink ashore
He might as well get one afloat.
The time was about half eleven or so
Ritchie Oakes was on shift at the light
He'd pulled up a pew and was making a brew
before settling down for the night.
He heard a boat start-up in the harbour
he looked out to see what was what
co's he couldn't be sure for the weather was poor
whether he'd actually heard it or not.
A single light passed there beneath him
a steaming light passing slow
now what silly prat could be as crazy as that
then he saw who it was there below.
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