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KENNY BUTTON'S BIG NIGHT OUT: Page (02)
Straight away he was on the blower
" Its Buttons! He's taking't boat out"
"Your joking!" said't coast guard on watch at the Humber,
I'd better give't Lifeboat a shout.
By this time old Buttons was well gone
half way towards Cayton Bay
The sea was a foaming white cauldron of mischief
A mountain of spume and spray.
"I've called out the Lifeboat said Ritchie"
as he gave Kenny Buttons a shout
"Good Ive run out of fags me old ship mate" replied Buttons
"you can ask em to bring me some out".
The lifeboat made good speed and caught up
They hauled along side not believing what they could see
Buttons performing a smart sailors hornpipe
Whilst swaying in time with the sea.
"Stop! The boat this minute said John Trotter"
as he leapt from the Lifeboat
"Get off my ship said old buttons this minute
or else you'll be over the side.'
Trotty made an instant decision
he threw a quick right and connected
It was just in time too for the shore was in view
Still it's not what poor ken had expected.
Buttons was landed at Scarborough
As pissed as a bleary eyed stoat
The coppers said "buttons you're nicked me old son
For being drunk and in charge of a boat."
"It's a fair cop said ken Okey! Dokey!
Roger! Dodger! Breaker! Breaker! Ten! Four!
"I suppose I'll spend time in the pokey for this"
That's the last time I'm drinking off shore.
They dragger him and chucked him in't meat van
Half conscious and spewing up sick
barefoot and clueless battered and shoeless
They carted him off to the nick.
They tried every trick in the book there to charge him
As ken stood before them handcuffed
They told him they'd get him but he said they wouldn't
All buttons would say was "get stuffed".
And so they released him the very next say
He left without saying a word
To spend a few weeks in a bedsit in Filey
Relaxing out there with his bird.
And so ended one of those legendary tales
That some people still talk about
The night Kenny buttons had one drink too many
Then went and had a night out!
T. W. Ward
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